Why Breaking- Up is necessary
It took about a year to digest all of the learning that I got from breaking up and I am still learning.
Every person has to be rejected or has to fail at something.
They can either choose to see it as devastating or they can choose to see it as a learning process.
In fact, everything is a learning process, a year ago I would not have expected myself to believe that the idea of breaking up is great.
It is painful...yes. It is super painful,without the proper outlet you can destroy your entire brain and yes never function again after a heart and gut wrenching episode...for those who survive...well...there will always be a list of the things that they learned after a break-up.
1. You will miss the simple things that make up the relationship- when you are inside the relationship, you miss the simple things.
They do not matter, they become a habit. Once something becomes a habit they lose value, people do not see how magical it is for a fraction of a second and can easily disregard it.
When you break-up, every piece of memory becomes a diamond series of pictures.
The simple memory of both of you watching a movie that you don't even like becomes precious.
The flowers and the cards that you easily disregard...well at some point you will try to find them.
It's as if holding the card and the flower or the wrapper of the chocolate would help you somehow to re-experience something that will never come back.
The honeymoon phase of the relationship can last for 3 to 6 months, if they are lucky it could be 1 year but nevertheless it ends.
The person that you think was once magical, becomes familiar. You suddenly see their pimples, how lousy their dress looks like.
But then again when you break up, you start to regret all of this power struggle. If you did profess to love someone that much, why did you waste so many hours arguing over who is right?
For some reason being intelligent, being right...being the one powerful does not matter anymore after breaking up. Because you will finally realize, if love is ever going to triumph.
The Ego needs to be set aside.
3. Relationships have a higher chance of succeeding if we treated our partner like a cat or a dog in a good way. We love our pets, we give them unconditional love.
We do not demand anything from them and we do not assert who is right or wrong, we just love their company, we give them food, hug and protect them. If this can be transferred into human relationship....it would be heaven.
4. Love should not involve the brain, it does not calculate how much money the other person has, or how many favors one can get from the other.
In the first place, when love enters all logical instinct dies and it should remain that way if we want to make something last. In doing so, in asking nothing in return while giving a person increases their inner power.
Society would tell you, the person who cares the less...has the power. I say, that is plain Bull$hit.
The person who is able to care the most, without asking anything in return...increases their own energy. The person who is able to care more becomes immortal.
But anyway, this learning will not arrive, unless two people break up.
5. Relationships need space if people want it to grow- without space there would be no reflection of things. You cannot observe what is wrong in a film, until you take yourself out of the characters and actually watch it.
So Yes, whether you like it or not Breaking up could be a blessing.
If there would be a chance of getting back in the future, you can change a lot of things that went wrong. That is if you did not spend all of your time looking for a rebound.
4. Rebound relationships are a death sentence and they hardly work at all--there are very few individuals who succeed with taking in rebounds.
Taking in an immediate rebound is a sign of weakness, but at times it is a needed dose of reality.
A rebound can either tell you that breaking up is the right thing or a rebound can expound the fact of how dumb you are for jumping into another relationship when you do not even realize what you want, who you are and why you broke up in the first place.
others just go through life from one rebound to another, they never learn and then they ask themselves...why is this drama happening in my life over and over again
Why am i suffering over and over again....but they do not realize. It is them who have sinned against themselves...because they did not take the chance to go back and search for the answers...so that in their next relationship they will have no extra baggage.
Because believe me...if you are not able to resolve the main problem and you are not able to point out the reason why your first relationship did not work out...you cannot hope to find answers in the next.
5. Being alone is not so bad after all--sure there are moments where you would be tempted to call your ex-back, hence the drunk dialing, the sudden messages on Facebook, the text messaging.
The planned visit...but after a while with enough discipline and sense of self...you will realize that being alone is not so bad after all. In fact after a few months of getting your sense of self back, you will once again notice the beach, how beautiful books are, how funny friends are.
You are able to focus on projects better and finish tasks..all because you have been too consumed in the relationship to even think about anything else.
In fact, society just tells us that the word alone is something ' negative' as Osho the philosopher would explain.
Being alone is our normal state of being. it is something that you cannot hope to escape even when you are in a relationship or even when you are married.
We have separate brains...we are built that way. There are times where in we will merge ideas with a partner, but being alone is a state of being...and the earlier you accept how we are naturally built...the easier life would be.
While two is better than one, we have to recognize our own divinity. Our own strength and ways to love our mind, body and soul before we can even progress into sharing it with somebody.
Being alone is not bad..because we are all alone, despite holding a partner's hand or even while embracing somebody.
6. Being in a relationship will not guarantee that this feeling of being alone will be gone.
You do not get into a relationship and expect that someone else will complete you in the process of doing so. We on our own complete ourselves.
By loving our own self..we extend..and in doing so we are filled. After filling ourselves up with this strength that is the only time we will reach out and extend this abundance to another...
7. For in giving more...we gain more. Unless this principle is understood a relationship will never work out.
Relationships are hard because they are viewed as something finite, something with basic rules, something that has to go with society standards or personal standards. It has to fulfill the requirements of parents, family members, work mates, religious organizations, educational sector..the government--and after all of this you will just realize...you have lost love along the way.
Some call what they feel love, but at the moment of seeing something they do not like...they run.
8. Love is a state of being that does not remove itself the moment one discovers that they have no use for the other.
Love does not end just because the other is no longer physically present or even useful.
Love will continue to strengthen, inspire and empower..and it will never leave.
It is not something that dies when something is seen as wrong in the other, rather it is the continued nourishment of a partner....and a continued nourishment of the self.
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